Monday, September 24, 2012

Greetings Laff Lovers,

You know what pisses me off? Fruit trays brought into the office to celebrate coworkers' birthdays.

I mean, what the fuck, really? It used to be that these bitches would compete with each other by making the sweetest, most fattening, chocolate soaked shit in the world. Now it's sliced kiwi, two kinds of plums, grapes, cantaloupe, apples, peaches and clementines. I mean it's just sickening.

I am hereby outlawing the celebration of any event or occasion in this office unless we revert back to our less healthy habits and bring in sweets from all over the world again.

I'm fed up. First it was office handjobs that went the way of the dodo, and now it's chocolate cake. Enough is enough.

Cravingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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A man goes to a new doctor for a physical, and during the exam the doctor is amazed to discover the man has five penises.

"I've never seen anything like this," exclaims the doctor. "How do your pants fit?"

The man responds, "Like a glove."



A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs, enough times that her husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"

"Y-e-s-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."



"An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids." -Craig Ferguson



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I was chatting to this girl in the pub last night and telling her of my uncanny ability to be able to tell the day any woman was born by holding their breasts in my hands.

She thought I was having her on but was curious none the less. Eventually curiosity got the better of her and she said go on then give it a try!

I stood there feeling her breasts for about a minute before she finally lost her patience and asked, "So? When was I born?"

I replied, "Yesterday."