Thursday, September 3, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

This morning one of the girls in the office was talking about how she won every one of her games at her bowling league last night.

"Normally I don't drink while I'm bowling," she was saying, "but last night I had a couple of Amaretto Stone Sours and I was unstoppable! Maybe I should have a few drinks every bowling night. Who knows, I could be one of those drunk bowlers."

"What the hell is a drunk bowler?" I interjected.

"You know," she answereed, "one of those people who get better at something after a few drinks. I guess it makes you more relaxed, or something, and improves your performance."

"I guess it's possible," I said. "That could be why so many of the girls I dated in college called me a drunk fucker."

Interpretively,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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Went to a nice, local restaurant/bar with my girlfriend last night. But the regulars were shouting "pedophile!" and other terrible names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.

It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.



Points to Ponder:

- We love to shop for new clothes, but we don't realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

- Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks is priceless.

- Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by his girlfriend's husband.

- Arguing over a woman's breast size is like choosing between Spaten, Heineken, Carlsberg or Budweiser. Men may claim preferences, but they'll grab whatever's handy.



Things I never learned in high school:

1. What taxes are.
2. How to do taxes.
3. How to vote.
4. Anything to do with banking.
5. How to buy a car or a house.

But I'm so glad I know the fucking Pythagorean Theorem!



A Kansas City, Missouri mother was irate because everyone in her child's class, including the teacher, kept mispronouncing her kid's name.

The girl's name was written as "Le-a".

The question is, how would most people pronounce it? Leah? No. Lee-a? Again, no. Lay-ah? Nope. Lei? Guess again.

On receiving the mother's complaint, the baffled school administrator asked her what the correct pronunciation was. The poor kid's mother informed the school that the correct pronunciation was "Ledasha."

When asked why, the irate woman stated that, "De dash don' be silent."