Thursday, January 8, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

We went on a ski trip over the holidays. I was a bit apprehensive because I'm not in as good of shape as I once was and I was worried that I might blow out a knee or something. These days as soon as I'm hurt I test the injury and determine whether or not I can still play golf. If I can, it's not a bad injury. If I can't, then the world ends.

So while my family was eating lunch I took the opportunity to steal off by myself to one of the mountain tops. Standing up there alone I got turned around and missed my turn. I ended up looking over some nasty-ass steep mogul run with trees that I hadn't seen before. I paused and contemplated.

"TZ, You're not 20 any longer, you're out of shape and you're alone," I thought looking at the run. 30 seconds I stood there.

"Fuck it!" And I was over the edge.

I made it halfway down on skis and the other half on my ass. Thankfully the powder was deep and my pride pretty thin.

Still golfingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"The newly elected congressmen and women from the midterm elections were sworn in today. This Congress will be the most diverse ever, with 104 women. That's right, 104 female lawmakers. In other words, there's going to be a lot of filibusters that go like this: 'You know what you did.'" -Jimmy Fallon



The new stewardess was summoned to the office of the head of the training program for a severe reprimand.

"I heard about that episode on your first flight, Miss Larson," said the director, glaring over the top of her glasses. "From now on, whenever a passenger feels faint, I'll thank you to push his head down between his OWN legs!"



"Because of the bad U.S. economy, many Broadway producers have started taking their musicals to China. In a related story, the entire cast of 'Cats' has been eaten." -Conan O'Brien



ADULT SEX QUIZ

Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs, or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
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Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"

Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.

Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q.) What do bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.