Thursday, April 18, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

My golf buddies and I recently jumped on a plane to visit an old friend of ours who moved to Texas. We were there for four days and we played 36 every day.

At the airport on the way back they had set up the full-body scanning machines. "I don't feel like making my testicles glow, so may I please have a pat-down instead?"

"Earl!" the short, fat female TSA agent shouted, "we got another one don't wanna be x-rayed."

"Step aside Sir, and Earl will be here to administer the rub, I mean the pat-down."

Toothless Earl finally made it to me and explained how it was gonna be.

"OK," I said and he began.

When he got to my inner thigh I said, "Earl, I think I'm getting hard."

Earl didn't think that was too funny but the people around me did...and that just made Earl's hands a little heavier.

"Ow!" I said as the back of Earl's hand smacked my nuts. "OK, OK, I'm not hard anymore, take it easy. I still need those. My wife is a greedy lover."

"Boy," said Earl standing up and looking me in the eye. "I done patted you down and felt what you got, and I gotta say, your wife can't be too greedy."

TSAly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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Guys are like buses...if you miss one, another will be along soon.

Girls are like buses too...sometimes you just need one for a quick ride.



I was walking down an alley last night, when I heard, "Help! Help!" coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady's handbag, but she was putting up a hell of a fight and wouldn't let go.

I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn't see anything.

I finally decided that I should help.

She was a tough old bird, but the three of us finally got that handbag.



Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Why does Mommy have a shrimp?"

Dad says, "A shrimp? What are you talking about?"

Johnny says, "I'll show you!"

They go into the bedroom, and there lies mommy sleeping naked. Johnny points between her legs and says, "There!"

Dad says, "That's not a shrimp, that's her clitoris!"

Johnny says, "Oh, tastes like a shrimp."



I met an older woman at a club last night.

This isn't usually my thing, but she was attractive enough for a 50-year-old. We had a few drinks, danced a little bit, and the next thing you know my hand was caressing her thigh and she was whispering dirty nothings in my ear.

She asked me if I'd ever had a sportsman's double, a mother and daughter 3-some?

I said no. We drank a bit more, then she says tonight was my lucky night.

We went back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs: "Mom, you still awake?"