Thursday, November 24, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Man, how do traditions get started? I know how this one did. Some suppressed white guys came over to a new land, nearly starved, met some Indians who taught them how to tell shit from Shinola, invited the Indians over for thanks, got them to sell their land for some shiny shells and pox covered blankets, killed the rest with guns, then took the remaining land for free.

Now we commemorate this by inviting our friends and family over saying "Thanks" then getting drunk and fighting.

Next day is "Black Friday" on which depression and sorrow kick in because we begin thinking about all the money we are going to spend on all the assholes in our lives.

To make matters worse, I have to go to the in-laws' house and hear them argue about when the turkey (or buzzard, or whatever it is they usually cook) is supposed to come out of the oven and then how to carve the thing up.

Do we really need all of the drama? On Thanksgiving all I want is a golden bird all juicy and moist and filled with stuffing. Then I want all the other fixin's that go with it.

Afterward, if I'm awake, a blow job would be nice.

Traditionally,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:tz@gophercentral.com

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A guy had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get married.

"What!" shouted the boss? "I can't give you more time now. Why didn't you get married while you were off?"

"Are you nuts?" he replied. "That would have ruined my whole vacation."



A woman called her husband at work and told him that there was a bad leak in the kitchen. He told her to call the plumber and have it fixed.

A few hours later he gave her a call and asked, "Has the plumber come yet?"

She replied, "Not yet, but I have him breathing hard."



A guy goes into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril and a cucumber in the other ear.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right."



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ADULT SEX QUIZ

Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs, or wife,but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"

Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.

Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q.) What do bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.