Thursday, January 29, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I bought some spicy, roasted nuts over the weekend mistakenly thinking they were "salty" roasted nuts. I don't know what they had on them, cinnamon and cayenne or something, but to me they tasted terrible. There was nothing wrong with them, though, so being the generous guy I am I brought them into the office and announced that they were in the kitchen for whoever might want them.

About an hour later I passed Clean Laffs Joe who said, "Wow TZ, I know you said you had spicy nuts, but I didn't realize how spicy they were until I put them in my mouth!"

I stared at him for a couple seconds to see if he was being facetious, but his eager, watering eyes spoke only of a simple, somewhat pathetic need for validation.

With only the smallest pang of guilt I said, "Joe, your wife should have warned you about that."

Opportunistically,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"With all the bad weather, people are expecting to be cooped up. Some have been turning to Craigslist to find blizzard companions. As a general rule, if you wouldn't sleep on a futon you found on Craigslist, you probably shouldn't sleep with a person you found there either." -Jimmy Kimmel



A guy and a girl are lying in a bed after just having sex. The girl lays on her side of the bed and rests. The guy goes to his side of the bed and says to himself, "Man, oh Man, I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin."

The girl overhears him talking to himself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?"

"Well," the guy explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the woman I love to lose my virginity."

Astounded, the girl replies, "So you really love me?"

"Oh, God no!" the guy says. "I just got sick of waiting."



"In the last 48 hours King Abdullah from Saudi Arabia passed away. I have a moral dilemma. The king passed away four days ago. Is it too soon to hit on Queen Latifah?" -Dave Letterman



A salesman went to the door of a young couple one day and rang the doorbell. After 3 rings and no answer, he assumed no one was home and decide to leave. He happened to pass by an open window and saw the couple naked on the sofa.

Being a pervert, he peered closer to get a better look. He notice the woman was sitting with her legs wide open, shaving her pubic area while staring at her husband. He, on the other hand, was naked, stroking himself, shaking his head wildly back and forth with his free hand splashing in the fish tank.

The salesman was embarrassed when a neighbor walked up and found him peeping. "These people need help!" said the salesman.

"No, they dont," replied the neighbor. "They're deaf, and the wife is just telling her husband he needs to trim the bushes, but the husband is telling the wife 'Fuck no! I'm going fishing.'"