Thursday, December 15, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Satan and I were in my office working on something when in walked Lewis. Within 10 seconds my eyes were burning from the smell of, well, the smell of shit.

"What the fuck?" I exclaimed putting my shirt over my nose and mouth. "Does this look like a washroom?"

He looked all innocent, "What?"

"You walked into my office and immediately farted!"

"I did not."

Just then Satan began to gag, too.

"See," I said pointing to her, "Brimstone and sulfur she can handle, but your ass-gas? No. How could you walk in here and do that? Damn, it's settling in my coffee! Quick, give me something to cover my cup."

"I didn't do it."

"55 years-old and you sound like my 11 year-old. Just the fact that you're pretending not to smell anything is proof of guilt."

"Yes," Satan chimed in, "please go change your shorts."

Auschwitz-ly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com



Arriving home from work as usual at 5:30 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.

By 7 p.m. things had not changed, so before a fight started in earnest I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and start all over again. My wife agreed.

I went outside, came back in and, with a big smile, announced, "Honey, I'm home!"

"And just where have you been?" she replied sharply. "It's after seven o'clock!"



"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something which you'd like to have dinner with." -Anonymous woman




My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
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Two older guys were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog. The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80-year-old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He answered, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this shit but me!"