Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

It was a very relaxing weekend for me, thank you. I was able to avoid the wife and kids and played a little golf, which really put me in a good mood. And the best part, I almost got to see my brother blow up my other brother's car on the fourth.

My one brother is not exactly the sharpest card in the deck, and he always seems to get himself in the most bizarre predicaments...like on Monday.

Somewhere he got hold of what looked like an artillery mortar. This is the kind of thing you are supposed to light and then drop into a large metal tube pounded firmly into the ground.

He didn't come prepared with something to launch it from, of course, so he decided that the next best thing to a two and a half inch diameter pipe would be his hand. His plan was to hold it, and then at the last second throw it up into the air where, in his imagination, it would fly off straight up into the air and detonate safely and spectacularly.

A small group of us went out into the front yard, away from the kids and women and barbecue grill and tables full of food, and watched as he held the rocket in his hand and lit it.

Predictably, the sparks erupting from the pencil-thick wick burned his hand and he dropped it. Scrambling for a few seconds to pick it up again he finally lost his nerve, and as we watched from the safely of the garage door he gave it a desperate kick, sending the bomb straight under my other brother's car.

You can imagine the screams of, "You [EXPLETIVE DELETED] idiot! What the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] are you doing!" right before a loud whistle follow by a deafening explosion sent a cloud of dust billowing out from under the car.

Bizarrely enough, there didn't seem to be any significant damage to the car. We checked it thoroughly, looking for any punctures, leaks or holes. It was a relief, of course, not to have to deal with an exploding car and all of the paper work that it would have involved...but I have to admit I am just a tiny little bit disappointed.

There's-always-next-yearly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com



"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less." -Brendan Francis



A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife, "What's the problem?"

She says, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."

The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires, "Is that true?"

The husband replies, "Well not exactly, she's the one that suffers, not me."



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A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to his house for an early afternoon quickie. "Don't worry," he assures her, "my wife is out of town on a business trip, so there's no risk."

As one thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop! I forgot to bring birth control!"

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