Thursday, August 25, 2011Greetings Laff Lovers,
I just read a disturbing story. It seems certain hotels, namely the Venetian resort, hotel and casino in Las Vegas, has started using facial recognition technology to tailor suggestions for restaurants, clubs and entertainment to passersby.
You walk past a camera and it scans your face to instantly profile you as a man or woman, your likely age and probably even your ethnicity. The computer it is attached to then tailors an advertisement for you which is displayed on a near-by screen.
If this sounds familiar that's because it comes straight out of that Tom Cruise disappointment Minority Report.
This is just the first step, of course. How many people have pictures of themselves on Facebook or MySpace 'tagged' with their real name?
Facebook has already had privacy complaints about their own facial recognition software automatically 'tagging' any image saved in a profile with a face that it recognizes.
What happens when these technologies get together on the Internet?
I can picture myself walking through the mall with my wife and kids when a camera scans my face, matches it with a picture of myself on my Facebook profile and instantly knows about all of my Internet activity.
"Hello TZ!" chimes a pleasant voice from a kiosk equipped with large, flat screen displays. "If you're interested in barely legal, Asian hermaphrodites make sure to check out Big Al's Adult Book and Video six blocks west of the mall. And Walgreens has a sale right now on self-warming sex lube."
Anonymously,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:
tz@gophercentral.com"A 53-year-old man known as the 'Granddad Bandit' was arrested for robbing banks. Fifty-three years old and he's the 'Granddad Bandit?' Sounds more like the 'Midlife Crisis Bandit.' Or maybe the 'Ask Your Doctor About Cialis Bandit.'" -Jimmy Fallon
A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback. On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar.
"For fuck's sake!" the bloke cried, "what the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke shagging a sheep, and now some bloke's wanking himself off in the bar!"
"Fair dinkum, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep!"
A man says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for something kinky tonight, how about I blow my load in your ear?"
The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!"
To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"
*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***It's Available.
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THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZThree blondes are sitting in a cafe, talking about what to get their boyfriends for Christmas.
"It's funny," said Samantha. "Peter's balls are always cold as ice when I blow him! I think I should get him some ball warmers for Christmas."
"You know what?" replied Jenny. "It's exactly the same with my Richard!"
They turn to the third blonde, Candi, and asked, "When you blow Chris, are his balls cold, too?"
"Ugh! That's disgusting! I never put Chris's thing in my mouth!" exclaimed Candi.
"You're crazy," Samantha piped up. "A good blowjob is the best way to keep a guy! You should try it! It would make a great Christmas gift for Chris!"
Candi says she'll think about it. The next time they meet at the cafe Candi is sporting a wicked shiner.
"Whoa!" the Jenny asked. "How did you get that black eye?"
"Chris hit me when I was blowing him," Candi said.
"What on earth for?" Jenny asked.
"I don't know," Candi replied. "I was giving him his Christmas present like you two suggested. I mentioned how strange it was that his balls were so warm, when Pete and Richard's were so cold, and he punched me."