Monday, December 5, 2011Greetings Laff Lovers,
Believe it or not, "The World According to TZ: The Best of Laff-A-Day" is banned in Orange County Prison. Satan came into my office the other day and flipped a copy of my signature book onto my desk.
"We can't even send this piece of trash into prisons," she spat at me accusatorially.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded.
"An inmate at Orange County Prison ordered your stupid joke book online and the prison rejected it. They sent it back. Unapproved material."
"We're still selling my book?"
"I wouldn't call it 'selling'! There aren't enough functionally illiterate degenerates online to buy the last 500 copies. At least not outside of prison, and apparently we can't send the book inside to them."
"Well I'll be dog-gone. Rejected by the prison system. How much more notorious can you get?"
"I can't imagine what a bunch of rapists and muggers would want with your book anyway."
"They probably want to masturbate to the sex jokes," I said.
Speculatingly,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:
tz@gophercentral.comP.S. Remember folks, my book is advertised right on this page below if you want to take a look! Only 91 cents.
"No matter how low your own self-esteem, there are probably others who think less of you." --David S. Brown
While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like.
"You'll have a beautiful view of the swan pond," he assured them.
Dad wasn't sold: "Unless you're including a periscope with my casket, I don't know how I'm going to enjoy it."
"If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?"
--Charles Pierce (1926-1999), American performance artist and famous female impressionist.
*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***It's Available.
THE Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's 91 cents! (plus s&h). For more info or to order visit:
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZA guy has been drinking in a bar all day and asks the bartender where the toilet is. So the guy goes to the toilet and he's there pissing away when he looks to his left and sees a big guy come in.
The guy pulls out his dick and it's huge. The guy goes over to a urinal, swings his dick like a bat and smashes the urinal in two. He then goes over to the sink, swings it and smashes the sink in two. He then goes over to the toilet doors and smashes it in half.
He says to the first man, "I'm gonna stick this up your ass!"
The guy goes, "Phew! For a minute I thought you were going to hit me with it."