Thursday, November 10, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I don't know what all the fuss is with Herman Cain trying to blackmail every women he ever met into sleeping with him. I mean given the sexual scandals that have come out of the republican party over the last decade I think we should be happy that he was actually trying to screw women.

He wasn't buggering high school page boys. He wasn't screwing male crack addict prostitutes. He wasn't trying to pound, or be pounded in the ass in an airport toilet stall. He wasn't watching his wife get pounded by a bunch of dudes at the same time. He wasn't pounding anyone and then killing them to keep it quite (that we know of).

Give me a break. We're Americans and we better lower our standards because we know that just because a guy wants to pressure every woman around him into blowing him while he's driving, that doesn't mean he doesn't have the compassion, intellect and fortitude to lead the free world.

In fact, it just might make him better qualified.

Disconnectingly,

TZ

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"An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids." -Craig Ferguson



Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.

Q. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
A. Put a nipple on it.

Q. Why do women fake orgasms ?
A. Because they think men care.

Q. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A. The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.



A man goes to a new doctor for a physical, and during the exam the doctor is amazed to discover the man has five penises.

"I've never seen anything like this," exclaims the doctor. "How do your pants fit?"

The man responds, "Like a glove."



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A friend was complaining that her boyfriend would not say "I love you," even if explicitly asked to do so. The only exception, she said, was when they were in fact in the act of making love. Then, if asked, he would say the sacred words.

I suggested that she should not take too much comfort in the exception. When making love, I explained, men will say anything.

"He'd tell you he's the Easter Bunny if that's what he thinks you want to hear," I told her. The conversation rattled on from there.

A couple of weeks later, she related the following. "We were in bed, making love and I said, 'Tell me you love me'."

He said, "I love you."

I said, "Tell me you're the Easter Bunny."

He stopped for a second, and said, "I'm the Easter Bunny."

"So I slapped him."

The poor guy probably still doesn't know what happened.