Sunday, January 10, 2016
Greetings Laff Lovers,
So we made the trek up to Granite Peak over the Holidays and we had the run of the place. The lack of snow scared most people off, but not us. No sir! We're game. Two of the five lifts were open and several runs. Plenty for us to knock the rust off our knees.
Was it manmade snow? Yes. Were there bare spots? Yes. Did we wish we were in Tahoe? Yes. But I coaxed the kids into doing black runs. My 14 year-old son was snowboarding down one black run when a fortyish woman came across the base of the run. He sat down and slid on his butt so that he didn't barrel into her, and she spread her legs trying to let him slide under her.
Well, she tripped and sat right on his face. She got up into a tripod position so that he could move, but he just lay there looking at her crotch right over his face.
She looked down at him and said, "You can move now."
And like the junior TZ that he is he just lay there staring and said, "Huh?"
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"The USDA has approved the first genetically modified apples that don't turn brown after being sliced open. The no-browning apples are being called groundbreaking, revolutionary, and slightly racist." -Conan O'Brien
A young couple went to the doctor for their annual physical exams. Afterwards, the doctor called the young man into his office and told him that he had some good news and some bad news. "The good news," he explained, "is that your fiance has an particular strain of gonorrhea that I have only heard of once before."
The guy paled. "If that's the good news, then what the hell is the bad news?"
"Well," the doctor elaborated, "the bad news is that I heard about this nasty strain just last week from my dog's vet."
"A woman was arrested after she admitted to purchasing gasoline, driving to her ex-boyfriend's house, and using it to set his new girlfriend's car on fire. She's now facing five years in prison and up to three Country Music Awards." -Seth Meyers
Eddie, wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office...but she was dating someone and wouldn't give him the time of day.
Finally Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I know you're not interested in a relationship with me, but I'll give you $100 if you just let me have sex with you."
The girl responded with an immediate and offended, "NO!"
Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up. I promise!"
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend.
So she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend said, "He must be crazy! Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down and we'll be 200 bucks richer."
She agreed and accepts the proposal.
20 minutes goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after a half hour the boyfriend calls and asks, "Well...what happened???"
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all quarters!"