Thursday, June 14, 2012Greetings Laff Lovers,
I was leaning over the little league bleachers watching our team strike out, when somebody mentioned that Sunday is Father's Day.
"To me it's always been like 'anti-father's day,'" I said.
"What do you mean?" one guy asked.
"Well, I play golf every Sunday at 6:30 am. Then I come home, shower, eat and take a nap. When I wake it?s usually time to head to the store to buy some steaks and start preparing for my famous Sunday barbeque. Then we eat, jump in the car, buy some sweets and head to my folks' for a visit.
"However, on Father's Day I have to skip golf, get ready early, smile when they give me my gift, which last year was a plastic cup with a ball in it to mix my Metamucil in, and do whatever shit my goofy-assed kids have planned for the day. No golf, no nap, no BBQ, no laziness.
"But this year I'm free! My wife is loading up the family truckster and taking the kids to visit her kin in the bayou. I'm playing 36!"
One quiet guy whispered, "You're so lucky. I wish my wife would leave me."
And his wife turned around and gave him the evil eye.
Celebratingly,
TZ
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'Like' Deal of the Day Here"Father's Day is Sunday. Father's Day is the day we congratulate dad by getting mom drunk on wine coolers and getting him a bottle of cologne he doesn't wear." -Jimmy Kimmel
Roger had set a double date for himself and his friend Tony. Roger said, "Tony, I'll give you first choice. Let me tell you what the girls are like. Sandra has kind of a dumpy figure and is plain-looking, but she gives an incredible blowjob. Suzie is pretty and has a great pair of legs, which she shows off by wearing high heels all the time."
"Say no more," interrupted Tony. "I'll go for head over heels anytime."
"A 93-year-old woman and a 100-year-old man have become the world's oldest newlyweds. After a brief honeymoon, they plan to reside in heaven." -Craig Ferguson
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THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZDave was staring sadly into his beer and sighed heavily.
"What's up Dave?" asked the bartender. "It's not like you to be so down in the mouth."
"It's my five-year-old son," the man replied.
"Don't tell me, he's in trouble for fighting in school? My boy's just the same. Forget about it; it happens to boys that age," said the bartender, sympathetically.
"I only wish it was that," answered Dave, "but it's much worse. The little bastard has got our 16-year-old baby sitter pregnant."
"That's impossible!" gasped the bartender.
"No it's not," said Dave. "The sneak went and stuck a pin in all my condoms."