Thursday, March 21, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

The piece of shit microwave oven we have in the office kitchen finally crapped out and the boss gave me the company credit card and sent me to the store to get a replacement (since he figures I don't do any work around here I often get these little, crap assignments).

So I went and got a top-of-the-line Panasonic. It's a stainless steel beauty that cranks out 1,250 watts of cooking power. It's all high tech with a touch sensitive, programmable control panel and all sorts of neat features which no one will ever use.

When Magilla saw it he almost burst a blood vessel.

"What in Christ's name is that!"

"It's a microwave oven." I informed him. "You asked me to buy one, remember?"

"How much did you spend on this?"

"A hundred and sixty-five bucks."

At this point words failed him and he started to foam at the corners of his mouth while he struggled to find words venemous enough to use on me. Eventually all he could croak out was, "The card....give me the card!"

"You got it, boss," I said, handing it to him. "I hope you don't mind but I stopped at a strip club on my way back and put lunch and a couple dances on the card too. They actually serve a great reuben sandwich at the Pink Pussycat if you've never eaten there."

With any luck he'll never ask me to go shopping again.

Hopefully,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. EVTV1 is back and better than ever! This video portal was created to weed through the online clutter to bring you the best animal video clips...funniest videos...most popular...PLUS the most unusual. New videos are added daily!



I was absolutely disgusted after I accidentally clicked on some gay porn last night. It was the worst half hour of my life!



A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches an attractive young woman sitting by herself and asks, "May I buy you a drink?"

"No thank you," the woman replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."

"Bad for your legs? Do they swell or something?"

"No, they spread."



Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob. I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.



In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas of course. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone went below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction "Stow High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T", (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a golf term.