Thursday, January 9, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I'd like to tell you that my wife and I rang in the New Year with style, but I'd be lying. The entire clan went to my folks' house for dinner and games, but by 11:30 I was falling asleep. So I grabbed my wife, left my kids there and drove the 2 miles to my house.

We got into the house and I was suddenly frisky.

"Whaddya say we start the new year the right way?" I said nuzzling my wife's neck.

She said, "I'm so tired...and the kids will be home in half an hour."

"So what?" I said. "All I need is three minutes to give you a grand slam."

"I know. But I need a lot more time than that by myself after you're done."

Typically,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.

Bill said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Larry replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"



DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish................................49.
Adventurous....................Slept with everyone.
Athletic..............................No breasts.
Average looking...............Moooo.
Beautiful............................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure..........On medication.
Feminist..............................Fat.
Free Spirit...........................Junkie.
Friendship first....................Former slut.
New-Age......................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned....................No B.J.'s
Open-minded.....................Desperate.
Outgoing.............................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional.......................Bitch.
Voluptuous......... ...............Very fat.
Large frame.........................Hugely fat.


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes...................................No
No.....................................Yes
Maybe................................No
We need..............................I want
We need to talk.....................You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead.......................You better not
Do what you want.................You will pay for this later
I am not upset.............Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight....Is sex all you ever think about?


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry..........................I am hungry
I am sleepy...........................I am sleepy
I am tired.............................I am tired
Nice dress.............................Nice cleavage!
I love you............................Let's have sex now
I am bored.........................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?........I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?......I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to a movie?....I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to dinner?.....I'd like to have sex with you.
Those shoes do not go with that outfit............I'm gay



A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me neither doc," said the husband, "but she's a great cook and really Good with the kids."