Thursday, November 20, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

It seems like a nexus of fuck-up-ery is about to coalesce. The grand jury in Ferguson is expected to decide today or tomorrow whether to indict the cop who shot the teenager, and President O'Bama is about to announce his executive action on immigration. In both instances there are large groups of dissidents all over the place ready to protest, march, riot, rally or celebrate depending on what is announced. Maybe all at the same time.

I just don't want to get caught up in it. I don't want to get shot or stoned or trampled this afternoon while I'm standing in line waiting to order my double shot latte.

Cautiously,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"We thought New York City was home to 8 million rats. Turns out, that's a little high. The actual number is 2 million rats. That explains the light turnout for the midterm elections." -Dave Letterman



A little girl goes to the barbershop with her dad and stands next to the chair, eating a muffin while her dad gets a haircut.

The barber smiles at her and says: "Your gonna get hair on your muffin!"

"I know," she says. "I'm gonna get tits too, you dirty old bastard."



"A New York plastic surgeon has announced that he is creating 'vacation breasts,' which are implants that would last two to three weeks. That's amazing, isn't it? Who gets a three-week vacation?" -Seth Meyers



Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.

"Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those women's questions women ask. Now I'm in deep shit at home."

"What kind of question?, asked Tom.

"My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly."

"That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'".

"Yeah", said Eric, "That's what I did, except I said, 'Of course I DO....'"