Thursday, March 28, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

It used to be that I hated being home. I was a young man with energy and ambitions. I needed to spread my legs, er...wings (sorry, I was thinking about my wife before we were married). I worked ten hours a day and when I wasn't at work I was playing golf or making out-of-town excursions.

Now that marriage and family has sucked the life out of me, all I ever want to do is sit at home and lock the world out. I just wish everyone else would get the fuck out of there.

Solitarily,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. EVTV1 is back and better than ever! This video portal was created to weed through the online clutter to bring you the best animal video clips...funniest videos...most popular...PLUS the most unusual. New videos are added daily!



This college girl comes back to the dorm after spending all day hiking in the wilderness with her boyfriend. After her shower she's toweling off when her roommate notices her ass all bruised up black and blue. "Good heavens! What happened to you? You're all bruised up."

She replied, "Well, you know how it goes, just got caught between a rock and a hard-on..."



I met a girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us,
and she immediately dropped to her knees
and laid on the grass at my feet.
And as we lay making love, I thought...
"These taser guns are so worth the money."



My wife was screaming at me: "Leave! Get out of this house!" she ordered.

As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

So I turned around and replied, "So now you want me to stay?"



Last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. As our passion began to heat up she said, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT?! What was that?!"

She said, "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The next day I took off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big department store. I walked around with her as she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to go with her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelry counter where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. She was so excited. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet. I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all Honey, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "Uh, no baby, I don't feel like it." Her face went completely blank as her jaw dropped. I said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.