fiogf49gjkf0d
Sunday, April 26, 2015Greetings Laff Lovers,
Groupon can blow me. Every time I buy one of those piece of shit vouchers I end up eating it. I'm just not an "expiration date" kind of guy. Allow me to read you from my stack of vouchers:
Golf lessons for my kids--gone. Restaurant meals for me and the wife--gone. Go-Kart racing--gone. Theater tickets--gone. I can't really say I minded losing that one. I actually remembered it because I was sweating going. So out of all of them, I remembered the shittiest one.
Anyway, I'm done. I've learned my limitations. Either I buy it and whatever it is gets mailed to me, or I ain't payin'.
Hey, what's this one? Big Rubber Dildo--Redeemed.
I never ordered no Big Rubber Dildo.
"Hey, Honey?" I shouted. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"
Unusedly,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:
tz@gophercentral.comP.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click
GopherArchives"Marco Rubio's presidential campaign has raised $40 million in the last week. When he heard that, Rubio said, 'Hey, any chance I can drop out of the race and just keep the 40 million?'" -Jimmy Fallon
While at a marine-supply store stocking up on equipment for my boat, I also purchased an inflatable life preserver. "It was my wife's idea," I explained to the grizzled salesman at the counter. "She's buying it for me as a gift."
"Lucky you," he said as he started to write up the order. "My wife got me a length of chain and a cement block."
"Today is Earth Day. The way I see it, as humans the very least we can do is recycle. On average, each New Yorker creates 15 pounds of garbage every week. Of course, that goes up if you're disposing of a body." -Dave Letterman
An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years.
He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner. "You see that thing, woman?" he happily exclaimed. "What do you think we ought to do with it?"
With one eye open, his wife replied, "Well, now that you've got all the wrinkles out, this might be a good time to wash it."