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Sunday, June 5, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Summer will be here in a couple more weeks and I find myself obsessed with seeing my wife in a bikini...a really slutty bikini.

So I bought her one for my birthday. When she gave me my gift, all neatly wrapped up, I surprised her and gave her the bikini box.

"What's this?" she asked dumfounded. "You rarely give me a gift on my birthday and now you give me one on yours? How exciting!"

"I think so," I said.

She opened it and gaped. "Dream on!"

"Why not?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"Hell no. That cost $120. You have to wear it."

"If I wore this out we'd end up divorced."

"You know I'm not the overly jealous type."

"I know," she said, "but do you really want to risk competing with guys who are younger and richer than you who might be interested in a MILF willing to show it all off in something like this?"

"Honey," I answered, "you're too much in love with me to run around."

"And you're too willing to parade your wife's stretch marks in public."

"Okay. The next time the kids are at your mother's you're wearing it in the backyard, and you have to serve me drinks and call me Rico."

"Buy me earrings."




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A friend said there was nothing worse than waking up with a sore head and less money than you thought you had.

I said, "Could be worse, you could have a sore ass and MORE money than you thought you had."

A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

HAND JOB: $100

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the old biker, "are you the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The old biker replies, "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

Ever wonder why God gave women their "Yeast Infections?"
So they too, can experience living with an irritating cunt.

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming...that was me."

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