Thursday, June 6, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Summer is almost upon us and I find myself obsessed with seeing my wife in a bikini...a really slutty bikini.

So I bought her one for my birthday. As she gave me my gift all neatly wrapped, I surprised her and gave the box.

"What's this?" she asked dumfounded. "You rarely give me a gift on my birthday and now you give me one on yours? How exciting!"

"I think so," I said.

She opened it and gaped. "Dream on!"

"Why not?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"Hell no. That cost $120. You have to wear it."

"If I wore this out we'd end up divorced."

"You know I'm not the overly jealous type."

"I know," she said, "but do you really want to risk competing with guys who are younger and richer than you who might be interested in a MILF willing to show it all off in something like this?"

"Honey," I answered, "you're too much in love with me to run around."

"And you're too willing to parade your wife's stretch marks around in public."

"Okay. The next time the kids are at your mother's you're wearing it in the backyard, and you have to serve me drinks and call me Rico."

"Buy me earrings."

"Done."

Skimpily,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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I bought a new perfume for my girlfriend called Chloroform, but she says she doesn't like it. She says that it makes her sleepy and makes her ass sore.



The phone rang. Startled, the woman picked it up.

She heard heavy breathing, and then a hoarse voice whispered in her ear, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair."

"Why, yeah," the woman said. "He's drinking beer and watching TV. Who shall I say is calling?"



"A new study found that drinking soda is just as bad for your teeth as using meth. However, soda is still less likely to make you live under a bridge with a guy named Snake." -Jimmy Fallon



A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1,000 an inch."

The man perks up.

"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over twenty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor

"We're getting granite counter tops."