Sunday, August 7, 2016
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Working in an office is not conducive to health. 200 years ago we lived an agrarian lifestyle that was filled with hard work that kept a man lean, strong and healthy. Today we sit on our asses and watch them expand.
So people go out running, or lift weights or jump around to get in shape. Can you imagine if your great, great, grandfather saw you outside running at 6 in the morning?
I'm sure he'd say something like this: "Hey, Marge, have you seen this guy outside running?"
"Yes, dear, he does that every morning."
"Where does he go?"
"Just round and round the farm."
"Is he mental?"
"Maybe he was hit in the head and lost his mind?"
"Does he ever come back carrying anything?"
"No, he just comes back all sweaty and collapses on the porch."
"Poor dumb bastard."
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"Trump was asked about his cozy relationship with Vladimir Putin and claimed unbelievably that he couldn't even remember if he'd met Putin or not. Yeah, no offense, but I think I want a president who would remember meeting Vladimir Putin. How many shark-eyed shirtless equestrians do you know?" -Seth Meyers
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
"The New York Post yesterday published several nude photos of Melania Trump that were taken during her modeling days. Trump's communications adviser said the photos are a 'celebration of the human body as art.' To me they look more like a celebration of the human body as a paycheck, but OK - art." -Jimmy Kimmel
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered, 'Is that one word or two?'