Thursday, February 3, 2011
Greetings Laff Lovers,
The two feet of snow we got Tuesday and Wednesday has renewed
my hatred for my piece-of-shit, 15-year-old, two-cycle snow
blower. Every time I pull it out I secretly pray for it to
die.
I've hated it since I bought it and found out that I spend
more time shoving my hand down its chute and unclogging it
than I spend pushing the piece of shit. My grandmother could
throw snow farther...and she's been dead since 1995. Wow, has
she really been gone that long? Funny, seems like yesterday...
Where was I? Yeah, the piece of shit snow blower. I want a
new one. Not one of those behemoths that take up all the
space in my garage and you only need for those nasty once-
every-5-years-storms. No, I just want one with enough horse-
power to throw the damned snow high and far enough so I don't
have to keep moving the same damned snow over and over.
And it has to be a four-stroke. No more fucking special trips
to buy the fucking two-stroke oil to mix with the gas. And I'm
sick of the fucking smell. too. I have special clothes that I
only wear when using this piece of shit because they fucking
stink. Piece of shit.
I think I'm going to give this one to my brother-in-law and
buy myself a new one in April. He better appreciate the
thoughtful gift.
Generously,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in
your family at this link: mailto:tz@gophercentral.com
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"According to research, sex during pregnancy is always
safe ? unless your wife comes home and catches you."
-Conan O'Brien
Two friends were at a bar discussing life and love. One said,
"Would you believe that out of them ot of all the women I've
been with not a one of them was a virgin? It'd be nice if
girls saved themselves for marriage. I think it would cure a
big part of the huge divorce crisis we have."
"Yeah, Jim, I hear you," said the other. "Out of all the women
I've been with I've only had two virgins myself; my wife and
yours."
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Opinions are like orgasms. Mine's more important and I don't
give a fuck if she has one or not.
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A little girl complained to her father, "Daddy, I wish I
had a little sister!"
Trying to be funny, her father joked, "But honey, you
already have a sister!"
Confused, the toddler asked, "I do?"
"Sure," her dad said, pulling the kid's chain. "You don't
see her because every time you come in the front door, she
scoots out the back door!"
The confused toddler thought for a moment and then beamed,
"You mean just like my other daddy!"
Email TZ at: mailto:tz@laffaday.com