Thursday, October 27, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Satan just got the new iPhone that interacts with you. I'm sure you've heard that it virtually eliminates the need for you to type anything. It'll write your texts and emails, as well as read them to you. It'll perform your searches and guide you to wherever it is you ask it to take you. It will honestly try to answer your questions...so what are some questions that we hope a little artificial intelligence can spread some light on? Here's my quick list:

1. Is the female orgasm a myth?
2. If the answer is "yes", can you please tell my wife?
3. If the answer is "no", then does the G-spot really exist?
4. Really?
5. What's my prom date from 1982 doing now? Why did she throw up after I kissed her?
6. Does size matter, or is it really the motion of the ocean that counts?
7. What's the best way to convince a woman that anal sex will make her lose weight?
8. Send my wife an email saying that fellatio will cure her TMJ.
9. What's the best way to fool a woman into falling in love with you?
10. Is the federal reserve bank the root of all evil?

I'll have more questions once I get my own phone in.

Curiously,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"A 66-year-old deputy U.S. attorney general in South Carolina lost his job after police discovered him at a cemetery with an 18-year-old stripper, a bag of sex toys, and a bottle of Viagra. To be fair, people do grieve differently." -Jay Leno



Rosy, posing thoughtfully in the mirror, says to Nina, "I think I'm going to see a dietician."

Nina asked, "Why?"

Rosy answered, "'Cause I need to know once and for all, how many calories are in sperm."

Nina replied, "I really have no clue, but if you're swallowing that much of it, no guy is going to care if you're a little chunky."



"I understand candy isn't healthy and kids are better off eating apples, but it's Halloween. You have to give them candy. Or else, when they're teenagers, they'll come back to your home and kill you." -Jimmy Kimmel



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
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The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order."

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

"Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini."

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. "I've been diagnosed with AIDS."

The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, "Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?"

"Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone."