Thursday, February 17, 2011
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Who says I'm not romantic? Only a romantic would schedule
his first colonoscopy on Valentine's Day. As the nurse was
prepping me I asked her if she'd gotten anything good for
the holiday.
"Nothing like what you're going to get."
Everyone's a comedian.
So the doctor comes in, looks over my chart and asks if I'm
feeling nervous.
"No, but I don't like the idea of being put under. You might
knock me out and shove something up my ass."
He said, "That's exactly what I'm going to do."
"Well, then, I guess knowing that removes all fear from me.
One thing I am worried about is that I might spray some
diarrhea all over you once you try to insert the tube in my
ass. I mean, that diarrhetic I took may not have cleaned me
all the way out. Do you have a plastic splash mask?"
He stepped back. "Do you need to use the restroom?"
"Nope."
"Then let"s proceed. Turn on your side, please."
He then flipped open the back of my robe and started to
spread my cheeks.
"Hey, hey, hey!" I was startled. "I'm still awake here!"
"Oh, sorry. It says here you want to be awake for this."
"Hell no."
"Just kidding. You'll be out in a minute."
"Very funny. I know the guy who runs the comedy club down
the street and I'm sure I can get you in because you're so
fuckin' fuuuuuuuunnnnn...."
And the next thing I know I'm reading the results of my test
in the recovery room. Not really comprehending because I was
still as high as a kite. But I do remember him pointing out
the line on the report where it said my tolerance of the
colonoscope was 'Excellent.'
Yeah. Fuck you, too, doc.
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in
your family at this link: mailto:tz@gophercentral.com
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"A new study found that kids who work more than 20 hours a
week at a job are more likely to get bad grades. On the
other hand, China." -Jimmy Fallon
A very well groomed young man walked into an army recruiting
office. After answering numerous questions, he was finally
asked if he was a homosexual. The guy admitted that he was.
"Gay, huh?" the brawny recruiter growled. "Do you think you
could kill a man?"
"My, yes," the man giggled, "but it would take days and days."
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The Down Side of Cubicles:
* Being told to "Think outside the box"' when I'm in the
fucking box all day?
* Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first
seeing who is behind me.
* Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from
any kind of gunfire.
* That nagging feeling that if I press the right button,
I will get a piece of cheese.
* Lack of rafters for the noose.
* My walls are too close together for my hammock to work
right.
* Women: Damned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip
without comment.
* Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants
off.
* 23 power cords, 1 outlet.
* Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
* When tours come thru, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.
* Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.
Email TZ at: mailto:tz@laffaday.com