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Sunday, March 1, 2015Greetings Laff Lovers,
We went skiing this weekend and my wife was trying to talk me into getting the kids a private ski lesson.
"Private ski lessons are overrated," I said irritated. "I had one once and after the first couple of runs I asked the guy where and when he was planning on blowing me."
My wife was aghast, "You did not!"
"I surely did. And he looked at me much the same way you did when you saw me naked for the first time."
She said, "What, in a very disappointed manner?"
"You said that was fear on your face."
"Oh, yeah, I forgot. It was fear."
"Anyway, I told him that at $200, by the way, Honey, those are 1982 dollars, that at $200 for two hours I was expecting a little something extra. It was a pretty tough negotiation and in the end he would only give me a hand job."
Downhillingly,
TZ
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GopherArchives"A new study shows that drivers high on marijuana are less dangerous than drunk drivers. The study shows the biggest issue is marijuana users waiting for the stop sign to turn green." -Seth Meyers
One night my friend John and I were sitting at a bar where he used to work, when an attractive woman, a former co-worker, came in and sat next to him. She told him she had just had a fight with her husband, a police officer, and needed to get out of the house for a while.
They had been talking for a few minutes when, as a joke, I leaned over to John. "Don't look now," I whispered, "but a guy about six-five just walked in. And he's got a gun."
Without hesitating, John turned to me. "Quick, Ed," he said, "kiss me on the mouth!"
"The new James Bond movie in production features the oldest ever Bond girl. Which explains why he spent a lot of the movie repeating, 'I said BOND. JAMES BOND!'" -Conan O'Brien
A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the United States Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.
It seemed that, after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers had a "more humane" solution. What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males castrated, then let loose again...and thus the population would be controlled. This was ACTUALLY proposed to the Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's association by Sierra Club and USFS.
Well, all the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally, an old boy in the back stood up, kicked his hat back and said, "Son, I don't think you understand the problem." These coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep....they're eatin' 'em."