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| My wife treats me like a god. |
| This year we're going to flaunt tradition. |
| Can you imagine me doing this? At my age? |
| It's that horrible, horrible time of year again. |
| It's time for something new. |
| I feel like a vampire. |
| Cold feet mean a warm heart. |
| They're price gouging on Halloween candy. |
| It's time for a classic 'cocktail party' like they had in the 60s. |
| It's a dog's life. |
| Just how many different types of beer are there? |
| You don't get out much, do you? |
| It's getting harder and harder to have fun in life. |
| Sometimes it ain't easy being cheap. |
| My wife was never a girl scout. |
| Homeownership. |
| There is a reason I only deep fry once a year. |
| Gemutlichkeit doesn't come cheap. |
| It's about time I start collecting. |
| I'm going to have to get in there with a bucket and mop. |
| The REAL yardstick of civilization. |
| That's how you get a sinus infection. |
| The cure for what ales ya'. |
| What you can learn from a small Mexican fishing village. |
| I have decided to unionize my house. |
| Like walking around with a loaded gun. |
| I always felt I had a career in the service industry. |
| Don't let the heat boil your blood if you can help it. |
| Mnemonics. |
| Mary had a little barbecue. |
| If you're not handsome you had better be funny. |
| Realistically, beer is more than 90 percent water. |
| The cops don't have much of a sense of humor. |
| Things won't be as brutal as last year. |
| Now, that's how you start your day. |
| We're only half way there. |
| Miracles do happen. |
| 'Who's that whisperin' in the trees?' |
| The fantasy is still possible. |
| 151 cases of beer per person. |
| The trick(s) to great grilled chicken wings. |
| I missed another successful party. |
| Down with the Stamp Act! |
| Things just got real. |
| It looks like I'm in for it again. |
| Who knows? You might get lucky. |
| I'm a failure at being a 10-year-old child. |
| It was a hard thing to start doing again. |
| Putting the old bellows and pump through a good stress test. |
| The wilds of Michigan. |
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