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Jan. 13, 2009

JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS COULD LAND NEIGHBOR IN HOT WATER

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about "Not Nosy, Just Concerned"
(Nov. 13), the neighbor who suspects the woman she sees
entering "John" and "Marcia's" house is having an affair
with John while Marcia sleeps. There is another scenario to
consider, and it is, perhaps, the biggest reason "Nosy"
should keep hers out of it. It is entirely possible that
Marcia is fully aware and willingly participating in the
after-hours visits of the "tart."

I am happily married now, but when I was single, I was an
after-dark visitor to a well-to-do, (still) happily married
couple in an unsuspecting affluent suburban neighborhood.
We were all happy with the arrangement, and even joked with
each other about what the neighbors would think if they only
knew. "Nosy" may get the surprise of her life if she ignores
your advice and shares her "knowledge" with Marcia. Things
aren't always as they appear.
-- HAPPY THIRD WHEEL

DEAR HAPPY: That's true. And you were by no means the only
reader who suggested that scenario. However, many others
were quick to offer me some neighborly advice.
Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You were off-base in your reply to that lady.
She wanted to know how to tell the woman of the house her
husband was up to no good. You advised her to mind her own
business. You should have told her to send the woman a
letter.

If it turns out the visitor is a relative, they can have a
good laugh over it and she won't have messed up her friend-
ship with the couple. If it turns out she's right, then
Marcia will know to get herself tested for an STD, which
John may have given her. And if he hasn't given her one yet,
it could stop her from getting one. STDs can kill. Telling
the neighbor to butt out was just plain dumb.
-- FREDA IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: You are out of touch if you don't think a man will
have sex in the same house in which his wife is sleeping. My
sister awoke one morning to find her (now ex) husband having
sex with their houseguest in the bathroom! And about 15 years
ago, a friend of mine caught her husband in the basement with
another woman. She and their two children had been upstairs
sleeping.

Open your eyes, Abby. Why would a relative come in the middle
of the night and park a block away?
-- DIANE IN MINNESOTA

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DEAR ABBY: My mom had the same suspicion years ago. Her
neighbor lady's husband would leave for work and shortly
after his departure a man next door would walk over to her
house. He'd go through the back gate, into her home, stay
awhile and then walk back to his house. After getting to
know them, Mom discovered that the woman and her visitor
were brother and sister and enjoyed drinking their morning
coffee together.
-- NOSY NO MORE

DEAR ABBY: I wish a nosy neighbor had told me when my fiance
was cheating on me. After I found out, several people ad-
mitted they had suspected the woman who had been coming
around when I was visiting my parents was the "other woman,"
but they didn't want to seem intrusive.

While all of this was going on, I was pregnant with our
second child. I learned what was happening when the baby was
3 months old. The woman was someone I considered a friend. I
felt betrayed. Abby, "Nosy" should send her neighbor an
anonymous note.
-- SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN THERE

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago my dad came to San Francisco to
attend a CPA convention. Because my stepmom, "Ann," couldn't
be there, Dad invited me to the Saturday night dinner. I was
in my early 20s and working as a fashion model, so I decided
to dress to kill.

Even though Dad introduced me as his daughter, several of the
wives were suspicious. One of them took a picture of us and
showed it to Ann. The look on her face was priceless when my
stepmom said, "Isn't 'Jim's' daughter beautiful? I'm so glad
she could be there." The three of us have laughed about it
for years.
-- NORMA IN SAN MATEO, CALIF.



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