Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Good morning crew,

It's already the second week in August and so far this summer I've only had two cookouts.

If that isn't the definition of 'depressing' I don't know what is.

When I'm on my deathbed, many years (weeks?) from now, I really don't think I'll say to myself, 'Thank God I didn't waste any more time having cookouts.'

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives




"A guy here in New York swims in the Hudson River every week to prove that it's clean. If you want to meet him in person, services are being held on 43rd Street at the Sherwood Funeral Home." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"According to a new survey, fewer than 2 percent of hiring managers said they were actively recruiting graduates with liberal arts degrees. Liberal arts graduates responded by saying, 'Latte for Karen.'" -Seth Meyers

***
"A recent government report revealed that a California DMV employee fell asleep at her desk for up to three hours a day and this went on for nearly four years. She fell asleep at her desk for three hours a day, or as they call that at the DMV, Employee of the Month." -James Corden

***
"Did you give the prisoner the third degree?" the police sergeant asked the detective.

"Yeah, we browbeat him pretty good," nodded the other. "Asked him every question we could think of."

"And did you get a confession?" asked the sergeant.

"Not exactly," explained the officer. "All he'd say was, 'Yes dear,' and dozed off."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: "You got male!"