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Monday, August 6, 2018

Good morning crew,

Friday night the wife took me to one of her group dance classes, and afterward we went out to a little mixer at a local restaurant so everybody from the class could socialize. Because dancing is not a social activity or anything.

Walking into the place I went straight to the bar and was pleased to find a decent selection of craft beers. After discussing flavor profiles with the young man behind the bar for a few minutes I decided on an IPA and ordered a tall one.

That's when he asked me for identification.

Now that I'm well into my 40s I have to deal with a lot of things; an increasingly graying head, stiff joints, and a complete lack of appreciation for pop music to name a few.

Another thing I have to deal with is a complete lack of patience, particularly for doing stupid things like proving my age to 21-year-old kids.

If I have to deal with the gray hair and all the rest of it, I feel like at least I should be spared the indignity of having to dig a picture ID out every time I want a drink.

So I said no. Actually, I wasn't quite that rude. I told him I didn't have any identification. So he told me he couldn't serve me.

The wife had no problem producing an ID. She tells me she feels flattered when bartenders ask her for one. I don't know why she should feel flattered when someone demonstrates a complete lack of trust in her, but she does what she wants without worrying about my approval or disapproval.

So I stayed sober as a bird the entire night (other than sneaking a few sips from abandoned wine glasses). On the plus side, our entire bill, including two meals and the wife's French martini, was less than 50 bucks.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Apple is close to becoming the first U.S. company worth over $1 trillion. Then Americans looked at their drawers filled with old iPods, and said, 'Yep. Seems about right.'" -Jimmy Fallon

***

"The USDA has issued a health alert over premade salads and wraps sold at Walgreens due to concerns they may be contaminated with an intestinal parasite. So, if you're buying your meals at Walgreens, I have even more bad news." -Seth Meyers

***

"Recently, couples in Montana competed in the first ever Rocky Mountain Wife Carrying Championship. This is a competition where husbands carry their wives on their backs through an obstacle course. The obstacles included a mud pit, a median wall, and a dirt ramp, although most of the couples failed at the final challenge, which was agreeing on a place for dinner." -James Corden

***

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible man alive.

No wait...sorry. I am thinking of scotch. It's scotch that does all that.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

One friend complained to another, "All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds."

"If it's that bad, why don't you just leave him?" asked the second friend.

"I'm seriously considering it, but I'd like to lose another 10 pounds first."