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Friday, July 27, 2018

Good morning crew,

I'm out of town this weekend visiting my sisters and mother in Pennsylvania. I'm driving with a couple other family members, and since it is an 11 or 12 hour drive (depending on how many stops we make) we will have left around 3 o'clock this morning. Right now we're probably about 100 miles east of Cleveland and I'm probably chewing the upholstery out of restlessness.

When you're in your 20s road trips are exciting. When you're in your 40s it's more like a penance.

Laugh it up,


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"This weekend France won the World Cup and they were led by a 19-year-old prodigy named Kylian Mbappe. After the game, Mbappe said winning the World Cup totally makes up for being named after a Hanson song." -Jimmy Fallon


"The California home that was used for exterior shots on 'The Brady Bunch' is up for sale, and you know the three most important words in real estate: 'Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.'" -Seth Meyers


"Thanks to new tariffs from China and Mexico, there's now 2.5 billion pounds of meat piled up. Good news for McDonald's AND McDonald's Playlands. 'Kids, go play in the meat pit.'" -Stephen Colbert


According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the Bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I was traveling through Georgia last summer and stopped at a little backwoods country store. In the men's room there was a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning potty which said, "Please Wiggel Handel".

Below that some wit had written, "If I do, will it wiggel Bach?"