Friday, July 20, 2018

Good morning crew,

I have a wedding to go to this weekend. I love weddings. The hope. The optimism. The excitement.

I just sit there and think, "I give 'em six months."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The 12 boys who were rescued from a cave in Thailand last week are about to be released from the hospital. They said the first thing they want to eat is KFC. Then their doctor was like, 'Dear God, haven't you been through enough?'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
"A South Carolina elementary school's lunch program has added a food truck that serves the kids buffalo wings, tacos, and mac-and-cheese. It's all in keeping with the school's motto: 'It's Never Too Early To Give Up.'" -Conan O'Brien

***
"The website Vice has published a new article profiling items found in the New York's subway system's Lost and Found. The most common thing lost on the subway? An hour and a half." -Seth Meyers

***
While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the nearby city of Adak. They had lost contact with one of their planes and needed the Coast Guard to send an aircraft to find it.

I asked the man where the Navy aircraft had last been spotted so we would know where to search.

"I can't tell you," the Navy man said. "That's classified."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A young college girl came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried.

"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake."

"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."