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Saturday, July 14, 2018

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

You've got to give this guy a hand. A man in Florida was arrested after he managed to stab another person despite the fact that he does not have arms.

According to police, the man without arms has been accused of stabbing a tourist from Chicago, Illinois.

Miami Beach police said that 46-year-old Jonathan Crenshaw held a pair of scissors with his feet and stabbed Cesar Coronado, 22, just after midnight. Crenshaw, who is homeless, is known for painting on canvases in South Beach.

According to the arrest report, Crenshaw said that he was lying down when Coronado approached him and punched him in the head. Crenshaw said he reacted by stabbing Coronado. After stabbing the tourist twice, the suspect fled.

A friend who was traveling with Coronado disputed the suspect's account of the events. The friend said they asked Crenshaw for directions when he suddenly jumped and stabbed Coronado in his arm.

The victim was taken to a hospital. Crenshaw has been charged with aggravated battery.


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*------- Man Takes Golf Cart on Highway -------*

Traffic cameras on an Arizona highway were rolling when a man drove a golf cart with no headlights onto the interstate before sunrise. Arizona Department of Transportation traffic cameras show the slow-moving vehicle traveling on Interstate 10 near Wild Horse Pass in Chandler at about 4 a.m. The footage shows a vehicle start to escort the cart by driving behind it with its emergency blinkers flashing. The Arizona Department of Public Safety said the driver, an 83-year-old man, was stopped by troopers and did not show any signs of impairment. The man and his golf cart were picked up by his wife. Police did not say whether he will face any citations.


*----------- The Underpants Bandit ------------*

A Texas police department is asking for the public's help to identify a burglary suspect who used a pair of underpants to disguise his face. The Leander Police Department posted a video to Facebook showing a suspect who appears to be a young man climbing into Enchanted Rock and Landscape Supplies through a window. The man is clearly visible to the security camera, but a pair of underwear on his head conceals most of his face. The post asked anyone who recognizes the underpants bandit to contact police.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

Lewis, isn't this humor more up TZ's humor alley?

A redneck goes into the doctor for a vasectomy and says to the doctor, "Doc, I got all these screamin' young uns runnin' round the trailer and no matter what the wife and I try, she always ends up pregnant. But I can't afford no medical procedure!"

The doctor sits and thinks a minute and replies, "Ok, tonight when you're drinking your beers. Put a cherry bomb in an empty can, light it and count to 10."

The redneck, looking confused, but not going to contradict his doctor nods his head, says thank you and leaves. That evening he sits on the front porch and puts a cherry bomb into his beer, lights it and starts counting out on his beer free hand, "1..2..3..4..5...."

When he runs out of fingers he sticks the can between his legs and starts counting on his other hand, "6..7..8...."
[That sounds like the joke.]

LEWIS; The guys on that Mythbusters TV show would test a Stab-Proof Vest by placing it on a suspended dead pig carcass from a slaughterhouse and then trying to stab the carcass through the vest safely testing whether or not the vest worked. Jordan Easton testing it on his own body was indeed a fool. A nice guy perhaps but not too smart indeed. -R.S.
[A 'nice guy', huh? Do you know a lot of nice guys who own stab-proof vests?]

Lewis, you don't know, maybe that baby likes hairy nipples?
[Maybe. She'll probably grow up to have some weird fetishes.]

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*