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Friday, July 6, 2018

Good morning crew,

Near triple-digit temperatures, stifling humidity, flash thunderstorms, and a blazing hot barbecue grill. That's pretty much all I remember from the July Fourth party.

But apparently everybody else had a pretty fun, albeit sweaty time. I have gleaned this mostly from the wife's reports.

I'll fill you in on a few details next week. Right now I'm looking forward to a much more relaxing and quieter weekend.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"In Jerusalem, renovation work is beginning on Jesus's burial tomb. It's being listed as 'occupied by previous owner for only three days!'" -Conan O'Brien

***

"A man in Minneapolis, Minnesota, is suing the TSA claiming that overly long airport security lines caused him to miss a flight. Seems like a strange move until you realize there's no jury in the world that will side with the TSA." -James Corden

***

"Since the UK officially voted to leave the European Union it caused the British pound to hit a 31-year low. You could tell Brits were struggling. Today Queen Elizabeth was wearing one of those cardboard crowns from Burger King." -Jimmy Fallon

***

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam.

"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the test."

There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."

One final student rose up and opted out of the final.

The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourselves," he said. "You all get 'A's."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

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