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Friday, June 15, 2018

Good morning crew,

What do you know? They took the rain out of the forecast this weekend. And replaced it with a near record-breaking heat wave in the upper 90s.

That's perfect garage-painting weather. In Hell. The paint will be drying on the brush before I can even get in onto the wall.

Since I can't paint, what else can I do in oppressive 96 degree weather?

I guess I'll grill out.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Microsoft is working on technology that removes the need for cashiers and checkout lines. This cutting-edge technology is known as 'shoplifting.'" -Conan O'Brien

***

"Nordstrom is launching a new home and wellness collection that features a marijuana-scented candle. You can use it to cover up the smell when you get stoned on vanilla." -Seth Meyers

***

"This Sunday is Father's Day. With the big day coming up, a lot of people are shopping for the perfect Father's Day card, and while there are lots of good choices, there are also some very unpopular cards out there. For example, this card says, 'Dad, you taught me everything I know.' Open up, it says, 'That's why I'm so messed up.'" -Jimmy Fallon

***

Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.

"Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home."

"What kind of question?" asked Tom.

"My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly."

"That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'".

"Yeah," said Eric, "That's what I did, except I said, 'Of course I DO....'"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort.

"Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated."

Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer.

I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?"

She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?"

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