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Friday, June 1, 2018

Good morning crew,

I finally have a decent weekend to get some work done. It's not going to be blazing hot like last weekend, and there is only rain forecast for the evenings. The perfect opportunity to get started on repainting the garage or maybe all of the landscaping that still needs to be done.

Would be a shame if a party cropped up somewhere and interfered with all that work.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The Centers for Disease Control reports that 80 percent of public swimming pools they investigated have health and safety violations. 80 percent! The study concluded with 'enjoy your Memorial Day weekend.'" -Conan O'Brien

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"A study by the Pew Research Center determined that more millennials between the ages of 18 and 34 are living with their parents than at any other point in history. Millennials were happy to take the poll, while their parents were proud of them for finishing the poll." -James Corden

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"After being arrested for crashing his car into a shopping mall, a Florida man explained to police that he was trying to time-travel. Which is crazy. If you want to travel 50 years into the future, just leave Florida." -Seth Meyers

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As I Mature...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just aren't worth it.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting, long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones just never go away.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

"Are you all right?" my seatmate on the plane asked, after noticing tears roll down my cheeks.

"I'm flying my husband's ashes home for burial," I explained, "and it just struck me that this will be our last trip together."

"I know how you feel," she said. "I had my horse for 20 years and just put him to sleep last week."

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