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Saturday, May 26, 2018

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

A chimera? A prehistoric throwback? Possibly a rare species that hasn't been scene since the Ice Age? Whatever it was, an extremely unusual, possibly unique wolf-like creature was spotted in northcentral Montana near Denton and promptly murdered to death.

Wildlife experts and rangers were unable to pinpoint exactly what it was. With long grayish fur, a large head and an extended snout, the animal shared many of the same characteristics as a wolf; but its ears were too large, it's legs and body too short, and its fur uncharacteristic of that common to a wolf. It was possible to examine the animal so closely because it was deader than a doornail.

"We have no idea what this was until we get a DNA report back," said Bruce Auchly, information manager for Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks. "It was near a rancher's place, it was shot, and our game wardens went to investigate. The whole animal was sent to our lab in Bozeman. That's the last I ever heard of it."

"That's a grizzly cub," one commentator wrote. "Under a year and starving from the look."

"Maybe a dire wolf," wrote another, "because I don't believe they are all gone."

"That could very well be what's being called Dogman," one poster suggested. "They're spotted each day and the government quells any and all reports. Several people report being strong armed into keeping quiet about their reports by men wearing black suits. These are just facts. Look into it if you don't believe it."

Speculation roamed as far as identifying that animal as a crypto-canid species said to roam the forests of North America. Nonetheless, there remains an element of uncertainty about the creature, even among wildlife biologists. What is certain is how dead it is.

While it is legal to shoot a wolf if it is preying on livestock on private property, the strange animal shot near Denton was not directly implicated in any livestock predation, but as FWP warden Zach Norris noted, the ranching family who shot it were well within their legal right to do so.

"If you're letting your dog run wild and it's chasing livestock, the property owner has the right to shoot it," said Ty Smucker, wolf management specialist. "Whether it's a wolf or a dog chasing cows, or a dog that looks like a wolf; in Montana on private land, property owners and livestock producers have every right to shoot a wolf."


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*------------- Another Garage Fire -------------*

This story keeps popping up in Bizarre News. Once it was a man who burned down his garage with a torch while trying to melt icicles. Another time it was a man who burned down his garage trying to destroy a wasp nest. This week's man with a torch was battling weeds. Authorities in Ohio said a man attempting to use a torch to kill weeds in his yard ended up setting his garage on fire. Firefighters said the homeowner told investigators he was trying to kill the weeds around his detached garage with a torch and the structure caught fire accidentally. No injuries were reported. The garage was considered a total loss, with damage estimated at $10,000-$15,000. Well worth it to get rid of those pesky weeds.


*------------- Airborne What Now? -------------*

Some people say there are too many guns in America, and it's hard to argue the point when stray firearms are literally flying around the expressways. A driver who spotted a "black object" flying through the air on a Washington highway stopped 18 miles later and found a handgun embedded in his bumper. Washington State Patrol Trooper Guy Gill said the man was driving on Interstate 5 when he saw the object fly through the air and appear to strike his bumper. The man told troopers he didn't think the object had struck his bumper very hard and no warning lights came on, so he decided not to stop and investigate. Gill said the man stopped at a gas station about 18 miles later and discovered the handgun lodged barrel-first in his front bumper. He said it was one of the strangest things he's seen in his 23 years on the job. Gill said the gun was turned over to Lakewood police. Investigators are looking into whether the weapon was used in a shooting at Harry Todd Park in Lakewood.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

Lewis, that Summa Cum Loudly story reminds me of all of those memes you see about weird and stupid things being printed on cakes because nobody wants to take the extra ten seconds to read instructions.
[Yep, that's exactly what it is.]

Summa, that's kind of a nice name for a girl. And I bet you I could make her 'Cum Laude' too.
[Aaaaaand THAT'S why we can't have graduation cakes, or anything else that's even slightly sexual or racial in tone. Thanks a lot.]

It's so hard to scam an insurance company these days. Remember when all you needed to do was fake a slip and fall down in a grocery store?
[Yeah, the good ol' days.]

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*