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Friday, May 25, 2018

Good morning crew,

Yesterday the wife started house and pet sitting for some former clients of hers on the other side of town. So I'm a bachelor again this weekend. And you know what that means...

I get to walk the dog, shop for myself, do my own laundry, my own cooking, my own cleaning, eat by myself...

So basically my normal routine.

Laugh it up,


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"Most Americans said they still like Facebook, but they don't trust it. So basically, people feel the same way about Facebook as they do about the McRib." -Jimmy Fallon


"Some royal wedding guests are already selling their gift bags on eBay. In fact, today Queen Elizabeth made 60 bucks." -Conan O'Brien


"Hasbro has filed to trademark the scent of Play-Doh. Hasbro describes the scent as a 'sweet, slightly musky vanilla fragrance with slight overtones of cherry, combined with the smell of a salted wheat-based dough.' While kids are describing it as 'delicious.'" -Seth Meyers


A man was trying to pull out of a parking place, and bashed the bumper of the parked car in front of him. Witnessed by a handful of pedestrians waiting for a bus, the driver got out, inspected the damage, and proceeded to write a note to leave on the windshield of the car he had hit.

The note read:

"Hello. I have just hit your car, and there are some people here watching me who think that I am writing this note to leave you my name and phone number. You should be so lucky!"

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up an 8-foot fence. The next morning, however, the kangaroo was out again, idly roaming around the zoo.

The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to ten feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming about the zoo. This kept on, night after night, until the fence was 20 feet high.

Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo replied, "Who knows? Maybe 50 feet. Unless somebody starts locking the gate at night."