Monday, May 21, 2018
Good morning crew,
The wife and I had our first cookout of the year this Saturday. It was such a beautiful day, and we've been waiting so long for some good weather, that I just couldn't resist pulling the ol' grill out.
But we kept it simple; only a pound of shrimp kabobs, a half dozen chicken wings, four little cheese burgers and a couple ears of grilled corn on the cob. Plus, a cucumber and tomato salad with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.
And chips and refried bean dip.
And 12 beers.
I was going to be content with just a few sausages, or maybe a couple pork chops (buy-one-get-one-free), but the wife kept getting 'inspired' at the grocery store.
Here I thought that I was the one who was missing grilling season.
Laugh it up,
P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives
"Starbucks has announced that its bathrooms will now be open to anyone who walks in, regardless of whether they buy anything. Hold on, so they're saying, this whole time Starbucks hasn't been a public bathroom? I didn't even know." -James Corden
"Employees at a Domino's Pizza saved a customer's life by checking on him after they didn't hear from him, because he's ordered a pizza every day for 10 years. No word on what was wrong with him, but I'm guessing it had something to do with ordering a pizza every day for 10 years." -Jimmy Fallon
"A federal judge ruled yesterday that California's version of the death penalty is unconstitutional. Apparently the difference is California's version has avocado on it." -Seth Meyers
A dottering, old professor of logic asked his College class a question.
"If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angeles is 2000 miles from Chicago, and the Moon is 239,000 miles from Earth, how old am I?"
A student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said, "Professor, you're 70."
The old professor said, "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"
The student said, "It's easy, I have a brother, he's 35, and he's half nuts."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any.
So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"
The produce guy looked at me and said, "No, sir, you'll have to do that yourself."