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Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Good morning crew,

I just read a story today which said that 25 percent of Americans hardly ever go outside.

According to the federal Bureau of Labor Statistics, a nine-hour workday is the average for American wage-earners. When they return home on a typical day, 85 percent of women and 67 percent of men spend time doing work around the house. Then many Americans spend nearly three hours a day in front of the tube.

The result is that a quarter of Americans are only ever outside while they're commuting.

I was staring out the sliver of window that I can see from my desk and thinking, 'what a bunch of losers'.

Laugh it up,


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"Starting this week, every fast food chain in America has to post calorie counts on their menus. You can tell people are confused, because today they read the menu like, 'I'll have the Whopper 3,000!'" -Jimmy Fallon


"A Colorado woman was tracked down by police after blowing up a microwave at 7-Eleven. Now, that's not the crazy part - she did it while trying to heat a cup of urine. I sympathize with this woman, I know how it can be in the morning. I mean, don't even talk to me until I've had my first cup of urine." -James Corden


"A new poll has found that a majority of Americans say that driverless cars will have a big impact on the elderly. Specifically, if they don't cross the street fast enough." -Seth Meyers


So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for:

There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

"Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company."

"Would you spell that, please?"

"Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. and Y as in you."

"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."