Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
 
Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY
 



Monday, May 7, 2018

Good morning crew,

Yet another weekend gone and I haven't accomplished anything. I have an entire list of projects that have to get done this summer and I haven't even come close to starting them. I'm starting to feel that old anxiety creeping in around the edges of my subconscious again.

On the plus side, I did let the wife completely humiliate me in front of about 500 people on Sunday at her dance recital.

I'll tell you about that later.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives




"A member of the band Journey said 'Don't Stop Believing' was inspired by the time he borrowed money from his dad to pay his dog's vet bill. Apparently, the dog was hit by a midnight train goin' anywhere." -Jimmy Fallon

***

"Asian restaurant chain P.F. Chang's announced today it will open its first location in China. Of course, over there they'll be called 'P.F. Charles.'" -Seth Meyers

***

"Some critics are now saying that NASA will be unable to use SpaceX's rocket because it's too small. However, SpaceX insists that it's just the cold weather." -Conan O'Brien

***

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife who was trying to feed her said to me, "Straighten her up."

I looked at my daughter and said, "What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It's time to grow up and take some responsibility."

My wife hasn't asked me to help with her since.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I was in a couple's home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. "Start with a capital S, then 123," she shouted back.

We tried S123 several times, but it didn't work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, "I really don't know what's so difficult about typing 'Start123.'"