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MOUTHPIECE - May 1, 2018

Good Afternoon,


I'm itching to do something. I'm tired of being inside all day. I need to get out and do something constructive, but what?

I think I'm going to wash my car... or my clothes... or myself... maybe all three, I just don't know. I just don't know.

All I know is I'm going to wash something.

Well, whatever I'm going to get into, make sure that you check out today's issue.

Mouthing Off,
Carl


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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."
--Samuel Goldwyn, Goldwyn's Law of Contracts

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
--Henny Youngman

"After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager'."
--William S. Burroughs



[m] What's On the Web?

7 Backstage Photos That'll Fill Your Heart With Insane Joy

From Cracked.com: These are troubling times, and it often feels as if our hearts are filled with the thin gruel of misery, the corrosive bile of hate, or even the tepid milk of acceptance. But recall an earlier era, a time when other things could fill our hearts. What if ... what if we learned to feel joy again? That's a big ask for this set of amusing behind-the-scenes pictures from famous movies, but dammit, they're sure going to try.

Visit: 7 Backstage Photos That'll Fill Your Heart With Insane Joy


DRINK-O-METER

Have you ever wondered just how much alcohol you have consumed in your lifetime? Or how much you have spent on those drunken nights? Take this test to find out the state of your kidneys, wallet and quantity of alcohol that has invaded your system over the years.

Visit: DRINK-O-METER



[m] b i t s . n . b o b s

*-- Bizarre May Holidays --*

May 1 is Mother Goose Day and Save The Rhino Day
May 2 is Fire Day
May 3 is Lumpy Rug Day
May 4 is National Candied Orange Peel Day
May 5 is National Hoagie Day
May 6 is Beverage Day
May 7 is International Tuba Day, Paste Up Day, & National Roast Leg of Lamb Day
May 8 is No Socks Day and Have A Coke Day
May 9 is Lost Sock Memorial Day
May 10 is Clean Up Your Room Day
May 11 is Eat What You Want Day and Twilight Zone Day
May 12 is Limerick Day
May 13 is Leprechaun Day
May 14 is National Dance Like A Chicken Day
May 15 is National Chocolate Chip Day
May 16 is Wear Purple For Peace Day
May 17 is Pack Rat Day
May 18 is International Museum Day & Visit Your Relatives Day
May 19 is Frog Jumping Jubilee Day
May 20 is Eliza Doolittle Day
May 21 is National Memo Day & National Waitresses/Waiters Day
May 22 is Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day
May 23 is Penny Day
May 24 is National Escargot Day
May 25 is National Tap Dance Day
May 26 is Grey Day
May 27 is Body Painting Arts Festival
May 28 is National Hamburger Day
May 29 is End Of The Middle Ages Day
May 30 is My Bucket's Got A Hole In It Day
May 31 is National Macaroon Day

***

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