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Saturday, April 14, 2018

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Workplace affairs can be sticky. The last thing you want to do is get caught getting sweaty with a co-worker in the photo copy room. That's probably why the two lovers in today's story chose to satisfy their desires outside of work. But they probably could have picked a better place than the parking lot of a convenience store.

Employees and customers of a 7-Eleven were shocked to see two uniformed prison officers having sex, according to police in Colorado.

The Denver Police Department said that they have charged Mary Torrez, 37, and Sarah Ippolito, 26, for stripping naked and making out in their car in front of the 7-Eleven store.

According to the police investigation, both suspects work at the Denver Women's Correctional Facility. Their shifts begin at 6:00 a.m. each day. At around 5:30 a.m., an employee of the 7-Eleven noticed two uniformed prison officers park their Kia in the parking lot. The two women then stripped naked and began having sex in the back of the car.

The manager of the 7-Eleven flagged down a police officer who approached the vehicle to observe what the women were doing. Despite knocking on the window, the two women continued making out. The officer then called for backup.

When the additional officers arrived, the two women got dressed. Police charged them with a crime because the area was well lit and people were able to watch them having sex in the car. Both women were charged with public indecency.


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*------------------ Blow Job ------------------*

A top plastic surgeon in Germany has been accused of killing a lover with cocaine after sprinkling it on his penis before she performed a sex act on him. Andreas Niderbichler, 42, has been arrested after a woman, 38, reportedly collapsed and died after performing oral sex on him at his home in hospital grounds. Police are now probing claims he gave three more women the drug - who reportedly suffered no side serious effects - during sexual encounters. Prosecutors say a 38-year-old woman was involved in consensual oral sex with the doctor when she collapsed at his home. She was raced to hospital in an ambulance but died soon after being admitted, according to authorities.


*---------- Mmmm That's Good Tarantula ----------*

A North Carolina restaurant is offering select customers the chance to eat a tarantula burger topped by a giant oven-roasted spider. Bull City Burger and Brewery announced its sixth annual Exotic Meat Month, which brought such animals as alligators, iguanas, pythons, turtles and insects to the menu, features a special tarantula challenge. The restaurant said customers can enter their names in a "tarantula raffle" to be one of the lucky few to take the "tarantula challenge." The burger features a North Carolina pasture-raised beef patty, gruyere cheese, spicy chili sauce and an oven-roasted tarantula. Customers who finish the burgers receive "tarantula challenge" T-shirts.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

Nothing better than a scissor fight among lesbians! -Brian

I'm English and love reading your e-mail and now the web page. I've taught myself to read and understand 'American English' and no longer need a translator to understand most of your stories. Although the difference in meaning of the word 'pants' on your side of the Atlantic still catches me out.

Does this mean Bizarre News is going to be illustrated? More important.... does the winner get a coffee mug?
Always wanted one. -Bear
[You know, there are still a few Bizarre News mugs lying around the office. Maybe we should try giving them away as prizes or auctioning them off. Anybody interested in an authentic Bizarre News mug?]

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