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Friday, April 13, 2018

Good morning crew,

I'm in trouble now. Somehow the wife got it into her head to do a martial arts themed dance routine for her next 'showcase' and she wants me to participate. Fortunately, she doesn't want me to dance. Unfortunately, she wants to kick my ass around the dance floor a little bit as a prelude to the actual routine. The idea is to sort of introduce the martial arts theme with a dramatic stunt.

Since she can't cripple her dance partner, I step in and attack her like a bad guy in a Bruce Lee movie and she drops me like a bad habit. Then her partner from the dance studio steps and attacks her and they dance-fight. Think 'West Side Story' or Michael Jackson's 'Beat It' video.

If it's done right it should look pretty impressive, as long as I don't get a concussion or a slipped disc from getting dropped on a hardwood dance floor.

Our first rehearsal is tomorrow. I'll fill you in on any fun or painful details next week.

Laugh it up,


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"A motorcycle gang in Canada is attacking businesses they don't like by giving them mass one-star reviews online. They're the fearsome badass biker gang known as 'Yelp's Angels.'" -Conan O'Brien


"Today Mark Zuckerberg testified in Congress about Facebook's data leak. His opening statement was six pages long. Or as your aunt calls that, one Facebook post." -Jimmy Fallon


"The workout company CrossFit is now getting into the meal delivery business. But their meal kit is getting mixed reviews because, well, it isn't really a meal, it's nothing but ten pounds of raw meat. And you thought your dog chased the mailman before." -James Corden


Things I never learned in high school:

1. What taxes are.
2. How to do taxes.
3. How to vote.
4. Anything to do with banking.
5. How to buy a car or a house.

But I'm so glad I know the Pythagorean Theorem!

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A tourist on a diving charter off the coast of Florida asks the blond dive master: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the blond replies: "Think about it! If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."