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Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Good morning crew,

I know that not having a cell phone is an inconvenience, but I always thought that by not having one I was saving myself from the distraction and annoyance that comes from being constantly connected to the world.

But just yesterday I read an article which said that adolescents who become overly dependent upon their smartphones experience ADHD, anxiety, social apathy, reduced motivation, dissatisfaction, and difficulty solving problems and planning ahead.

Which pretty much sums up my life already.

So what benefit am I getting from being 'disconnected'? Now I'm starting to think that as long as I already have all the side effects of having smartphone addiction, I might as well have the phone, too.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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A donkey had an IQ of 186. He had no friends at all though. Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass.

***

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood by looking at her hands. For example; if she's holding a handgun, she is probably angry.

***

The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."

***

Differences between men and women

1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.

6.CATS
Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

8. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

9. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

10. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Mothers come in all shapes and sizes. For example, an Italian Mother might chastise her offspring for not eating by saying, "Eat your dinner, or I'll kill you."

A Jewish Mother on the other hand would say, "Eat your dinner, or I'll kill myself."

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