GopherCentral.com Powered By PulseTV.com
MOUTHPIECE - April 10, 2018

Good Afternoon,


With "Beach Season" rearing its ugly head people are scrambling to get into shape before enjoying the surf and sand.

But, if you're not in the mood to change your appearance I have some great ways for you to lie to the bathroom scale.

As a guy who's flaky with exercise, I particularly like...stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter. Brains over brawn every single time.

Good stuff!

Mouthing Off,
Carl


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives


[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

"Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes."
--Henry David Thoreau

"Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must."
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish."
--Steven Wright



[m] What's On the Web?

24 Unknowns Who Made Huge Contributions To Movies And Shows

From Cracked.com: You would think that, with the seemingly endless roll of credits at the end of literally every show and picture, everyone who deserves accolades would get them. But it turns out there are incredibly important contributors to major franchises that nobody talks about. Allow us to rectify that situation with the following bonus scenes:

Visit: 24 Unknowns Who Made Huge Contributions To Movies And Shows


Visual Workouts

Trying to get in superhero shape or jedi shape or British super spy shape? Check out these free no-equipment visual workouts for all fitness levels. These workouts have to be seen to be believed.

Visit: Visual Workouts



[m] b i t s . n . b o b s

*-- How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale --*

1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner...as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.

2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.

4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off...to your advantage.

5. Always go to the bathroom first.

6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.

7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.

8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).

9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).

10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.

***

Missed an Issue? Visit the Mouthpiece Archives

Top Viewed Issues