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Monday, March 26, 2018

Good morning crew,

Promotion testing at the taekwondo school this weekend went off pretty much as normal. But it turned into a nearly six hour day.

While my daily efforts at the school cannot be classified as 'work' (technically I am a student), there are compensations. Testing days, on the other hand, comes as close to volunteering as makes no difference.

After spending over 5 hours at the school I was slipped an envelope with a 20 in it.

So after testing I made a little detour on the way home, and when I got back I walked into the house and handed the wife a little brown paper sack.

"What's this?" she asked, pulling out a pint bottle of Irish whiskey and an instant lottery ticket.

"That's my pay for today," I told her.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A 102-year-old woman broke a pair of world track and field records. The 102-year-old ran the 100-meter dash with a time of 'February.'" -Conan O'Brien

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"There's a new study that says giving your child too much praise can harm them later. If you're too hard on your kids, they grow up with no self-confidence, but if you praise them too much, they grow up to be narcissists. What do these little monsters want from us?" -Jimmy Kimmel

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"Engineers have crafted a futuristic jetpack that lets you fly up to 10,000 feet in the air. It even has a cool name: It's called 'YOU Try It First.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The nurse asked for my height and weight and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."

While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A man comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage on the neighbor's back porch, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"

The guy stumbles around and says, "No.. umm.. no.. I didn't. what happened?"

The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after the kids buried him in the backyard we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

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