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Monday, March 12, 2018

Good morning crew,

Daylight Saving Time began yesterday. I was going to use it as an excuse to come into work an hour late today, but the wife went behind my back and reset all the clocks.

Laugh it up,


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"Climate change could eventually wipe out crops like strawberries and grapes. Even worse, that means edible arrangements will soon be 100 percent cantaloupe." -Jimmy Fallon


"In honor of International Women's Day, McDonald's is flipping its golden arches to resemble a W instead of an M. And we can't even show you what they did over at Hooters." -Seth Meyers


"Apple's new futuristic headquarters, Apple Park in Cupertino, California, is having some problems. The building is filled with so much clear glass that employees have reportedly been walking into glass walls. I guess Apple shouldn't have installed windows." -James Corden


Heavy snow had buried my van in our driveway. My husband, Scott, dug around the wheels, rocked the van back and forth and finally pushed me free. I was on the road when I heard an odd noise. I got on my cell and called home. "Thank God you answered," I said when Scott picked up. "There's this alarming sound coming under the van. For a minute I thought I was dragging you down the highway."

"And you didn't stop?"

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin.

Having plenty of experience with getting out feed stains, I asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?"

"Young lady," she barked, "I'll be the judge of when I've had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!"