Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY

Friday, March 9, 2018

Good morning crew,

Now that we're inching closer to spring discussions about house projects have started coming up again. Incredibly, and depressingly, the landscaping in the back yard that took us months last summer STILL isn't done.

And after yet another winter of repeated freezes and thaws the garage is peeling like a sun burnt tourist. So that needs to be stripped and painted.

Speaking of which, the garage floor is so covered with oil, dirt and salt it's starting to become an environmental hazard, so that has to be pressure washed and acid etched.

And the lock on the back gate that has been broken for the last four years has become a real embarrassment.

I don't know if the wife is going to be able to get it all done in one summer.

Laugh it up,


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

"Some hospital workers in Kenya have been suspended after doctors performed brain surgery on the wrong patient. I guess those brain surgeons weren't exactly rocket scientists." -James Corden


"The new Florida weapons bill would allow librarians to arm themselves. Now, in a related story, talking in Florida libraries is down 99 percent." -Conan O'Brien


"This week in England, a worker at a factory that makes Coca-Cola cans was caught urinating into the cans. But Coke quickly dealt with the situation by putting a Mountain Dew label on it." -Jimmy Fallon


Halfway through a romantic dinner at a nice, cozy restaurant, my husband smiled and said, "You look so beautiful under these lights."

I was falling in love all over again when he added, "We gotta get some of these lights!"

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Dot you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler.

The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatist, steadfastly replied,

"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back in my face, I can use it again."