March 07, 2018
Good Morning Groanies,
We got to gabbing here at the office and, as usually, the topic was sex.
We were trying to come up with a few examples, around ten or so, of some of the worst responses ever utter to the ultimate question - "Do you want to have sex?" As usual we went above and beyond and came up with 20. Enjoy!
Do you want to have sex?
1. What, with you?
2. Why? What did I do?
3. Only if it's your birthday.
4. Oh, hell froze over?
5. I'm not drunk enough.
7. Trust me, in your case, practice will not make perfect.
8. Why? We just did it last month.
9. Do we have to take our clothes off?
10. Why? We're married.
11. We can't. The dogs will watch us.
12. Well, I do enjoy doing charity work.
13. Can't we just be friends?
14. Well, if we do, what do I get out of it?
15. Can I bring a friend?
16. Do you really need me for that?
17. Sure, I've got a free minute.
18. Sure, I could use a laugh.
19. Please stop, you're embarrassing yourself.
20. Do what you need to do just don't wake me up?
How many of these have I heard? Eight. Oh, sorry. You didn't ask me.
P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives
Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve
*-- How Am I As A Lover? --*
Man: "Be honest, baby... How am I as a lover?"
Woman: "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm."
Woman: "Yes, my love, my hero, you're 'warm' as the dictionary would say!"
The man, pleased, went home and just for sake of it checked his dictionary, He read, "WARM: Not so hot."
* Even More Quotes from "Actual" Employee Performance Evaluations *
21. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
22. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
23. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
24. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
25. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
26. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
27. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
28. It's hard to believe he beat off 1,000,000 other sperm.
29. One neuron short of a synapse.
30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
31. Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
32. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What does a houseboat become when it grows up?
A: A township.
Q: What did the scotch tape say to the duct tape?
A: I was hoping you'd stick around.