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March 05, 2018

Good Morning Groanies,

10dollarsBelieve it or not, but there are "sexy" foods. Yes, you read right. There are indeed sexy foods. You know the foods. Foods like whipped cream, chocolate syrup, chocolate covered strawberries...etc.

To some, those sexy foods can really set the mood, but then there are those foods that will kill your lady's mood quicker than cutting a gasser in the car during a traffic jam.

Now, I'm sure you're asking, Steve, what are some of those "unsexy" foods that I should avoid? I'm so glad I assumed you'd ask me such a thing. Well, here are several of the "Unsexiest Foods to Ruin the Mood"...

1. Hot Pockets
2. Chili
3. Lasagne
4. Cold Cuts
5. Spam
6. Oatmeal
7. Funyuns
8. Egg Salad, Tuna Salad...Salads in General
9. Sardines
10. Cheez Whiz

Now, it's okay if you have used any or all of these before. Well, actually it's not. Shame on you... and me. I had a relationship end because of number 4. Don't ask.

You know what? Just let your freak flag fly! And bring on the Cheez Whiz!

Groaningly yours,

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What did the bee say when he returned to the hive?

A: Honey, I'm home!

Q: What is the best way to carve wood?

A: Whittle by whittle!
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* More Quotes from "Actual" Federal Employee Performance Evaluations *

11. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

12. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

13. He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.

14. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.

15. He's been working with glue too much.

16. He would argue with a sign post.

17. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

18. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

19. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.

20. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
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*-- More Q and A Quickies --*

Q: When two snakes marry, what do their towels say?

A: Hiss and Hers.

Q: How can you identify a smartass?

A: He's the one with the wise crack.